Book Reports: Girl, Stop Apologizing and Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

I want to like Rachel Hollis. Really I do. But I just can’t get behind her 100%.

I say that to start out these book reviews, because while most of both books are good, I can’t 100% recommend them without you knowing why I hold back.

You see, I really like a lot of what she says. Not only do I agree with (most of) her general message, but I like her tough love and no-nonsense way of putting things. However… where she misses the mark, she misses it. Big time. Not in a little, “let’s agree to disagree” kind of way, but in a “how could I possibly even talk about this book without warning people” kind of way.

I honestly feel that way about both Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing.

No, it has nothing to do with her talking about the timeframe where she and her husband drank too much. Nope, it has nothing to do with her boob job. It has nothing to do with her affinity for curse words, or even that she proscribes to the “Hustle” culture which I am firmly against.

As a health and fitness professional, it’s what she says that can be damaging to a person’s wellness that I object to.

In Girl, Wash Your Face she has an entire chapter where she talks about being involved in an emotionally abusive relationship. As someone who has been through that situation, my heart hurts for her, and anyone else who has gone through any kind of abuse, no matter how seemingly small. At the end of the chapter I cheered her on as she finally broke up with her abuser. I ached for her as she cried, because I know how difficult getting out of that situation can be. But then there was a knock on the door. And spoiler alert- her future husband stood outside that door. It was the same man. The exact same man she had been talking about the entire chapter.

Frustration can’t even begin to explain how I feel about this chapter. While I understand that there may be some need to tell this story at some point in time during her business and career, the way the story was told was inappropriate and irresponsible. As someone who sets herself up to support and empower women, I don’t understand how she could write that part of her story in a romantic way with a fairy-tale ending. Remember, she ends up with her abuser.  

Let me reiterate. Getting out of those situations is hard. No matter how seemingly insignificant the abuse. They call it the cycle of abuse for a reason, and the way that chapter was written practically gives women permission to stay in their abusive relationships. Or, just break it off for a few days because that will “fix it.”

Ladies (and guys too), it is not okay for someone to abuse you in any way and then walk back into your life, apologize, and expect it to magically be all better. It doesn’t work like that. You are an amazing, beautiful, fabulous work of creation and you deserve to be treated as such. No one is allowed to take away your unique sparkle and joy. Your fairy tale ending isn’t going to just happen. You have to make it. So as hard as it is, move on and find a better ending. Because living with abuse isn’t it.

Okay, so I’m off that soapbox and onto another big reason I take issue with these books.

In both Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing there are parts of the book that come across as flat out body shaming.

Girl, Wash Your Face has an entire chapter about body image and weight. And Hollis has some really good tough-love to share about it. Unfortunately she undoes all the good the chapter could possibly do with two sentences. She says, “If the calories you consume in a day are fewer than the calories you burn off in a day, you will lose weight. The end.”

The personal trainer in me screamed. The health coach in me cried.

You see, this untrue simplification of something that so many women, and people in general, struggle with is something I work against every single day. The diet industry pushes this falsehood on us, and the worst part is that it works… until it doesn’t. Calories in and calories out is not “the end.” It’s not even close to the end. In fact, it is completely possible to gain weight because you aren’t consuming enough calories.

However, this post isn’t about how weight-loss works or doesn’t work (that’s another post), it’s about the books. And by standing on a health and fitness soapbox and perpetuating information that isn’t true Hollis does herself a huge disservice. I can’t even talk about the book without warning people not to pay attention to that chapter. Which unfortunate, because there is some good stuff in there. But not nearly enough to outweigh the bad.

In Girl, Stop Apologizing Hollis’ talk about body image takes a negative turn again when she talks about her boob job. As I mentioned before, it’s not the boob job itself that bothers me. I think she handles explaining her reasoning behind it very well.

It’s how she describes her breasts. She says, “After the baby was born, the milk came in, and those lovely B became E-cups. No, that’s not a typo. That’s a cup size. E… as in Elephant… as in Enormous… as in Yowza!”

Needless to say, she wasn’t very kind when talking about her “E cup” breasts. Just in case you don’t know, an E cup, is the same as a DD cup. Which can be normal and natural for many healthy women. I read, and was incensed by this part of the book before I was pregnant. And now halfway through my pregnancy, I’m already larger than this “elephant” size she speaks of. Again, a few sentences that come across as body-shaming for a large portion of women undoes the empowerment of women Hollis’ book sets out to accomplish.

Granted, neither of these books are intended to be health and fitness books. Hollis does not claim to be a wellness professional, but as she brings up fitness and body image multiple times in both books I have to addresses it.

So can I recommend this books?

Kind of. But kind of not.

If you are able to gloss past the glaringly under-informed recommendations and sometimes flat out frustrating advice, there’s a lot of good stuff in these books. If you do read them, I suggest you take them with a grain of salt and make sure you only take away what is truly helpful to you.

As I said the beginning, I really do want to like Rachel Hollis. I’ve seen her speak live on stage, and she did a great job. However, it would be inappropriate of me to truly recommend any personal development book that push any idea that is so fully opposite to the theories I teach.

If you do decide to read these books, don’t let them be the first personal development books you read. And don’t let them be the last. If something sits wrong with you, ask yourself if it’s the tough-love you need, or if it’s something that rubs up against your personal values and beliefs. And don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it. I’m here, and more than willing to have a positive and productive conversation.

After all, that’s what we’re here for, right? Growth. That, and becoming the best versions of ourselves. And if these books can help, great. But no matter what someone may tell you, they’re not for everyone.

Bonus Resources:

Book Report: The Five Love Languages
Book Report: Beyond the Pill
Healthy Living Book List
Book Nerd Alert
FGL Library